Guys.  I KNOW I owe you a huge, wrap-up, flaabarific post.  I know I have been TERRIBLE and it's waaaaaay tardy.  But it's coming, I swear!  With photos!  And a pledge to sign up again!  And a hand-written note for Angelina Jolie.  We can stick it in a copy of the new Brangelina tell-all along with a crisp hundred-dollar bill.

It's been 11 and a half months.  I have two weeks left to lose 31 pounds in order to make my goal.  Does anyone know the name of that juice fast Beyonce did before Dream Girls/?  Or better yet, does anyone have Star Jones' doctor's number?

Well, barring any major interventions, I can't imagine that I'm going to reach my goal.  That doesn't mean I'm giving up.  Another few pounds would be great.  And honestly, I'm proud that I have gotten this far without gaining the weight back.  Despite 23 years of dieting (yes that's right, I'm 22 but I feel like I have been dieting since the womb) I have never lost weight without gaining it back, and then some.  That's a big deal to me.

I also feel like I've learned a lot about how to lose weight slowly and permanently.  I've tried a lot of things in the past 11 months- Weight Watchers, eliminating certain foods, writing down everything I eat, etc- and now I'm getting a sense of what works for me and what doesn't.  I've also learned that food is important to me- I like to enjoy it, I like to celebrate with it, I like that it triggers certain emotions and memories.  That's not necessarily something I want or need to change.  I do need to understand why I eat when I eat, and what my habits do to my body.

So for the next few weeks, I'm going to continue to avoid flour and sugar.  I'm going to remind myself why I joined flaab in the first place.  And then I'm going to sign up for a shorter term so I can lose another 10 pounds, and then another 10 and then another 10 until I hit my goal of 60.

So I guess that fruit and yogurt parfait was totally worth it.

Well, things are chugging along.  Surprisingly, when I stick to my diet for a couple of days I actually see some weight loss!  When I don't (aka this past weekend, when I was away for work and was only fed bagels, ziti, pizza or coffee...) those few pounds come right back.

So every time I see the numbers go back up, I resolve to stop. eating. flour.  For real, Leah!!  And when the numbers go down, I think "well, this is so easy, there's no reason I shouldn't have that bagel for breakfast!"  Oh, the perils of delusional thinking.

I was so proud of myself yesterday though.  Wednesdays are my busiest days, full of work and interning and several hours of commuting.  Consequently, I buy both lunch and dinner on the go.  The museum where I intern has great art, sure, but I think its best feature is the staff cafeteria.  Every week I have a huge, amazing salad and diet Coke for $5.  Yesterday, I had the usual lettuce/veggies/chicken with a little miso/eggplant salad and tomato/mozzarella salad on the side.  Delish.  For dinner I enjoyed the diverse options available at Grand Central Station.  Despite the overwhelming abundance of sandwiches, pizza, pasta, and other flour-filled dinners, I stuck to my guns and got sushi.  And when I wanted dessert SO BAD I just couldn't say no, I got a sugar-free greek yogurt with strawberries instead of one of those massive brownies from the Jewish deli.  And it was actually really tasty.*

So day by day, things are up and down (like my weight!) but going well generally.  My mother says she sees a difference even if the scale doesn't reflect it.  And since I have way more confidence in my mother than in my scale, I think I know who I'll believe.

*Okay I have to interject here that I was really craving chocolate, and no matter how good it was, a yogurt and fruit parfait is NOT chocolate.  Let's just be honest.  It's not the same, and honestly it's just not as good, no matter what the diet books say.  But, that chocolate craving wasn't worth indulging in, simple as that.

It has been 10 days since I started my new sugarless, flourless life.  So far, so meh.  I've adjusted pretty easily, and despite a few slip ups here and there, I've gotten rid of processed flour and sugar.  Yes, I did eat a whole bagel for Yom Kippur break fast, but I totally avoided all the cakes/cookies/kugels/pastas.  I did inexplicably eat a chocolate croissant at work the other day (I swear, I looked at it and suddenly I had taken a bite, no questions asked) but I haven't had a sugary chai latte in 11 days.

But weight loss is slow.  In the first few days, the scale said I lost 5 pounds.  Just like that!  I was ecstatic.  A day later, I'd gained back those 5 and a few more, negating my original 26 pounds.  As of today, I'm back at a 26 pound total loss, 3 of those since beginning this new diet (yes I had gained a few pounds before deciding to do it this way...)  So everything is coming along, slowly but (sort of) surely.

I need to be better.  I shouldn't slip up at all.  I probably should do a better job avoiding natural sugars (like fruit juice).  I shouldn't be cavalier about my other food choices- skim milk is still better than whole milk, etc.  And I shouldn't look the other way when I know something at a restaurant probably has hidden sugar in it (I'm looking at you, Panera salad dressing) just because it seems healthy otherwise.  So I'm working on it.  The good news is, I'm really not feeling many cravings.  Breakfast sucks, but I think I found a solution: flour/sugar-free corn puff cereal with strawberries, skim milk, and a little bit of Sweet n' Low.   There's only so many eggs a girl can eat.

Look how awesome I am at keeping resolutions!  Posting at least twice a week?  Fail.  Writing down everything I eat?  Fail.  Going to the gym 4 times a week?  Fail.  At least I stopped eating Honey Bunches of Oats.  Success!

There are lots of excuses I could give.  Most legitimately, I am incredibly busy right now.  I have three part time jobs, one dream internship (which includes over 2 hours of commuting each way), and one class to attend.  Stuff is going on.  But that really is just one more excuse to add to the list.

To get over this hump, I'm making a simple but hopefully huge change.  No flour, no sugar.  For real this time.  It's like Passover, but less fun.  If you are a fan of free medical advice, like I am, you might recognize this from Dr. Gott's weekly column in your local newspaper.  I haven't read his book but I think it's pretty basic:

1. Look at the ingredients.

2. Is there sugar?  Is there flour?

3. Yes? Don't eat it.

Cool.  So far, so good.  I started yesterday.  I did a good job avoiding flour and sugar, despite the fact that I worked in the coffee shop, where I was surrounded by tempting delicious goodies, including my usual dirty chai latte.  In one shift, I would usually drink about 3 or 4 of those babies, for a total of close to 80 grams of sugar.  And that's ignoring the brownie or crumb cake I would snack on when there were no customers around.  No more!  It's strictly regular coffee with skim milk and splenda for me from now on.

This morning was a little harder.  We had no eggs in the house, and I had no idea what else to eat for breakfast.  I settled on an innocuous vanilla yogurt cup, even though I really am not a yogurt fan.  Just as I was about to throw away the empty container, I glanced at the ingredients and lo and behold... sugar.  Oops.  I forgot that I used to buy sugar-free yogurt when I was on Atkins for this very reason.  So it looks like I need to stock the fridge with some more reliable breakfast options.

More updates to come... I mean it!

You know what sucks?  Actually WANTING to exercise and not being able to.  I feel like a gigantic blob after a weekend full of fried carbs (I was at a retreat training weekend, so I had no other options, I swear!).  But I can't work out because I took a masive spill down the stairs on Friday and I'm still recovering.  Seriously, it hurts just to sit down.  I'm not pushing this until I feel better.  And the worst part is, we just got some awesome new workout videos (So You Think You Can Dance!!) and I can't even use them.

So in the meantime, I feel stuck.  I know I need to be making better food choices to compensate for the lack of exercise, but it's tough.  Here's hoping the bruises fade and my back feels well enough to dance around soon, because I'm pretty sure my hip hop moves are going to be sick.

Remember me?  I'm starting to feel the weight of my deadline looming... even though it's in December, I have about 40 pounds to lose before then to ensure that Angelina Jolie doesn't shred my $100 to add to her collection of potpourri (or whatever she does with such a paltry sum).  So I'm rededicating myself.  As always, the first order of business is to set some goals:

1. Blog of Flaab twice a week! (I'm back baby!)

2. Write down everything I eat (so far today... one bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats and skim milk).

3. Stop buying Honey Bunches of Oats.

4. Back to the gym 4 days a week (this should be easier now that my work schedule has calmed down... I was teaching 6 days a week this summer, which left little energy for the gym).

5. Fit into those new jeans I bought by the time it's cool enough to wear them (I am somewhere in between sizes right now, which is incredibly annoying.  I got a little overzealous and bought jeans in the smaller size, which zip up and everything but create something I like to call a "cupcake top" ... muffin top is just not a flaaby enough description).

Here we go!

It's been a rough week for me, between work and exams and the weather and my headaches... and all I wanted to tonight was CHOCOLATE ICECREAM.  Nom nom nom.  I thought I'd make it through the night by snacking on walnuts and bittersweet chocolate chips, but then my parents asked me to go to the grocery store for them.  The grocery store!  A temple for chocolately treats!  A haven of heavenly delights!  What is a flaaber to do?

I didn't have the strength to resist the frozen food aisle.  There I was, standing in front of pints of Haagen Dazs, huge tubs of double churned Edy's, buckets of lard disguised as delicious goodies, and I was reaching out a hand to grab the biggest bucket of them all when I spotted...

(Not my hand, or my carpet!)

Mini Ben and Jerry's!  A dieter's savior!  The perfect tiny amount to satisfy your craving without the temptation to eat the whole pint.  A chance to feel like you're not denying yourself, a chance to live like a normal person who is not obsessed with weight and food!  All for $1 in the icecream cooler.

Sheer perfection.

Yesterday AND today:

2.75 miles, 420 calories, 35 minutes

Oh you know... doing it and doing it and doing it well.

Happy 100th post to me!

Oh, hello Gym Employee!  It's me, Leah K.  No, seriously.  You don't recognize me?  Remember, I'm the girl who insists on using the same exact elliptical machine every time I'm here.  You know, the one who refuses to even look at the weight machines?  No, really.  I know it's been awhile, but I'm the one with exercise-induced ADD who reads a magazine, listens to an iPod and watches a TV while working out.  Remember?  It's lovely to see you again!  What have you been doing in the last bajillion months (or so it feels) since I've dragged my butt here?  Me?  I've been doing the usual... drinking my daily iced nonfat chai latte from Starbucks, sitting on the couch, occassionally walking the dog, constantly thinking about a real work out, you know... same old, same old.  What's that?  No, I did not come to replace my complementary T-shirt or (god forbid) cancel my membership.  Why, yes, I AM here to exercise today!  And tomorrow, and the next day.  Because otherwise Angelina Jolie gets another $100 with which to dry her champagne glasses or burn as sparklers on Bastille Day (yes I hear her manse in France is lovely).  You can see how important this all is to me, so I should get right to it.  Until next time...

Alright.  I'm sorry for my serious decline in blogging lately.  The thing is, I just don't have anything to say!  I've hit a rut in my diet/exercise plan that leaves me feeling less than loquacious.  This tends to happen to me whenever I begin to lose weight, and that's why I'm in a position to lose 60 pounds in the first place.  The good news is: my 25 pound weight loss has stuck.  That means I've made changes in how I live as opposed to just how I eat.  The bad news is: my 26th pound is like a brick wall I can't seem to stop running into.

So I've decided to go back to Weight Watchers.  And this time I'm doing the whole thing: meetings, weigh-ins, Points, whatever they tell me to do.  I will go as soon as I get my next pay check and have the money to sign up. (And if you want to see me succeed here, you can call my boss and pester them to send it to me!)  I need the responsibility of reporting to someone, and I need the motivation of people who are not related or me/friends with me.  I love my support system but I do not like talking about my weight with my family or friends, and I really don't like feeling like they are watching me.  What I do like is having a stranger talk to me and watch me!

So there you go.  This was for everyone who has told me I haven't been updating here (as if I didn't know!).  Hopefully I will soon have lots of things to say about WW meetings and how well I'm doing.

Here's what's going on in my head right:

Flaab: Hmm.  Sugar.  Let's get some ice cream!
Fab: Bad idea, buddy.  Think about the 25 pounds you've lost!

Flaab: But we're hungry!

Fab: No we're not.

Flaab: But we're PMSing!

Fab: True.

Flaab: And ice cream is so delicious!  Creamy.  Chocolatey.  Cool.

Fab: What's cooler is that new pair of skinny jeans we bought that don't quite fit yet.  Plus the ice cream shop is so far away.

Flaab: What about that bag of chocolate chips in the pantry?

Fab: The unsweetend baking chocolate?  Not exactly the desert of our dreams.

Flaab: But it's SUGAR.  Remember?  PMS???

Fab: Fine.  But just a small handful.  And we'd better enjoy it.

And so ends the fight of the night.  Not the greatest decision I've ever made, but not the worst.  And PS, the chocolate didn't even taste good.

I think if I went back through the last 6 months of flaabing (gahh 6 months already and only 25 pounds??) you'd notice a serious number of posts about me getting sick.  Something happened to me at school this semester and I was sick - you know, the debilitating, no class, no friends, no gym kind of sick- about once a month.  (I never seem to get the no-urge-to-eat sickness though... fancy that...)  I thought I'd dodge that bullet once the weather got warm, but the last few weeks have been killer and I did, in fact, get sick again.  So I haven't been to the gym all week.  I'm feeling 90% better so it's back to the gym tomorrow!  To prepare, I vow to NOT overeat when I go for pizza tonight!  In my defense, New Haven pizza is notoriously thin and much less cheesy than other pizzas, and I will dutifully (if disgustingly) sop up some grease before I eat it.  Yeah, that lovely mental image of greasy napkins is just for you, Flaabers.

This week has been a little hectic, and my usual work out schedule has been in disarray.  In fact, I haven't been to the gym at all in a week!  And so I present to you: things I have done instead of working out at the gym...

1. Hiking at Sleeping Giant

2. Walking the Brooklyn Bridge

3. Rocking out at a karaoke bar

4. Waking up early for drawing class (this one takes so much effort, it must burn some extra calories, right?)

5. Wandering around downtown, looking for food/open stores/the nearest ATM/etc.

Hopefully these simple activities will help stave off the extra pounds until my routine returns to normal!

I have officially lost 25 pounds!  Slow and steady wins the race, baby.  According to the all-knowing, all-seeing Martha Stewart (or at least her website), here's what 25 pounds of tomatoes looks like:

So... that's actually kind of gross to think about.  Here's to losing a whole other bushel of tomatoes!

Dear Steve Jobs,

I see you've been listening to my requests.  Sort of.  Making the iPhone $99 is a step in the right direction.  Because if I win this bet, I can spend my whole entire winnings on that beautiful piece of machinary.  It's not quite the free iPod Touch I wanted, but it's a nice gesture.  Now to lose the weight!

Love always,

Leah K.

The good: I've been going to the gym regularly, including yesterday and today for an hour each.

The bad: I ate pizza for dinner three times this week... twice in the last two days.  And I ate the leftovers for lunch.  Yeesh.

The ugly:

That's my thizz face.*  It's the face I make when I think about Angelina Jolie being named the world's most powerful celebrity over Oprah.  It's the face I make when I think about sending her $100, especially because I am currently broke.  It's the face I make when I consider not hitting my goal!  Aw yeah, get it gurl.

*No ecstasy pills were involved in the making of this post, despite the definitions on Urban Dictionary.