If I had a dime for every time someone said "how could you let yourself get SO big?", I'd still be penniless (because I like to shop).  In my head, my reply was "Probably the same way as you got so rude and ignorant; one insensitive comment after another."  Except for me, it was one dozen donuts after another.

I'm what they call an "emotional eater".  I eat when I'm depressed.  I eat when I'm happy.  I eat when I'm angry.  I eat when I'm sad. I don't discern between emotions.  I just eat all the time.

It started early on: birth.  I think I came out hungry or, at least, wanting to eat.  When I was 3, I was so tiny and short.  The doctor told my mom, "she will always be tiny-- short and petite."  I was the tallest in my family (aside from my dad) and the fattest in my family (no aside to this one).  I showed HIM!  I should sue him for malpractice!

The size I wore at my biggest was as big as they made it and as far as it would stretch.  What else could you expect from a gal who was a couple of bologna sandwiches away from 500 lbs? 

I have learned through my life that I am an extremist.  I am either hot or cold; there is no in-between.  I either love something or hate it; I can't find the middle ground.  The same rang true with my weight.  I either wanted to be stick thin or I didn't want to be at all.  Every meal, I had to leave the table (or car, or couch or doctor's office- ok, not doctor's office) feeling Thanksgiving-Dinner-Stuffed-To-The-Gills-Couldn't-Hold-Even-A-Tic-Tac-Full.  I suspect I had a **satiety disorder, but if I would have actually said that when I weighed 489 lbs., everuone would have thought I was in total denial.  Aside from that, I do take responsibility in holding the fork in my hand, shoveling it in.  (Because I hate spoons-- seriously!  My family never sets a spoon out for me when we eat!)

I have so much to say and I must come to an abrupt, awkward end because my bed (the floor) is calling me.  All of our furniture is on the moving truck and we are driving to our new home tomorrow.  See you on the flip side of Kentucky!

**- my links aren't parsing correctly so here is an article about satiety disorder: http://www.intropsych.com/ch09_motivation/satiety_defects.html

Fat girls as well as hugely fat girls like to have fun!

So, this was me on a cruise Christmas 1996.  (And yes, I cut out the inmate, formally known as the ex.)

 Let me just say it: America is not made for fat people, let alone enormously huge people.  It's just not.  I knew that things on a ship were very small-- they have to maximize their profits!  But,  who designed those things? Lilliputians?? 

People make jokes saying "it was so small I couldn't turn around in there" (wherever THERE was-- or was it only my family that said this?  We are all fat, some of us really fat.)  But, literally, the bathroom was so small not only could I not turn around in it, I couldn't fit through the door without turning sideways.  And the shower?  I was twice as big as the shower.  And that isn't an exaggeration.  My butt stuck out of the fabric shower curtain and there was so much water on the floor, you would have thought the main deck sprung a leak.  From that moment, I vowed to not take a cruise again until I lost weight.  Which, at that time, I thought the likelihood of that happening was about, ohhh, nil.

I made the best of the cruise, participating in formal nights and doing shore excursions and yes, I even wore a bathing suit (no, there are no pictures of that once-in-a-lifetime event).  Here I am in Hell (Grand Cayman), holding a handbasket sea turtle.  Somehow, I think the look on those people's faces has little to do with the cute little sea turtle.  See the old man behind me?  He's looking at my butt (and not in a good way) and his lips are even pursed, almost like he's getting ready to say "whew, look at that tub-o-lard!", or something equally obscene.  But, those kind of looks were commonplace for a fat gurl like me.

I've been a fat gurl and I've been a hugely fat gurl (aka morbidly obese) and, I gotta say, I think in society it's easier being a hugely fat gurl.  Seriously.  At least you don't have to deal with annoying, small-minded people.  They avoid you like the plague.  They don't make eye contact with you.  And they don't dare brush up against you because, as we all know, great fatness is highly contagious.  So much so, that maybe one day, the research into the effectiveness of ghrelin in prevention of obesity will result in a vaccination. 

Until then, we must ALL REMEMBER: no eye contact with the hugely fat people of the world.

Until the next installment . . .

 With love and sincerity,

Brandi

In the spirit of Auntie E's post, I've come up with 15 flaabulous ways to de-flaab.  I can't promise they work, but, hey!

1. Many times people actually mistake hunger for being thirsty.  So, instead of reaching for a piece of cake, drink water.  You won't be hungry!  (Well, DUH, you just drank your Martian weight in water!  How can your stomach be growling NOW?)

A horse is a rabbit, of course, of course.

2. Eat like a rabbit.  Or a horse in this case.

                                                                                        Even if you are JUST thirsty, go elsewhere.

3. Don't eat while you're at the computer.  (Oh, wait... that was a computer tip...)

4. Argue. Lots.  With every person you come in contact.  It gets your metabolism going.

 5. In the middle of winter, park in the spot furthest away from the entrance.  You'll sprint to the doors to keep from freezing.  And we all know that sprinting burns way more calories than walking. 

6.  In order to stop smoking, they say to go in a room, close the door and smoke as many cigarettes as you can until you get sick.  You'll never want another cigarette again.  The same goes with food.  Lock yourself in a room, eat as many Boston Creme Pies that you can stuff in your piehole and, voila.  You'll never want Boston Creme Pie again.  (Of course if you don't like Boston Creme Pie to begin with, it's rather pointless.)

7.  You burn more calories when you're cold.  So, head out to Lake Michigan in January and strip.  You'll be shivering your way to a more slimmer, frostbitten, YOU!

8. They say that cayenne pepper boosts your metabolism.  I say use copious amounts of cayenne pepper when you cook, then invite your chubby-lard friends over for dinner to test the theory.  You forego the food and watch while they eat.  Be a martyr for science!

9.  Keep only prunes in the house.  I don't need a visual on this one, do I?

10. On your first weigh-in, proceed as follows:

  1. Gingerly put your big toe on the scale.

  2. Lightly follow with your foot.

  3. Slowly bring your other foot above the scale; hover for a moment.

  4. Gently set your foot down.

You've managed to shave off a couple of ounces by careful manipulation!  Congrats!

11. If number 10 doesn't work, rest your hand lightly on the wall.  All in the name of Zig Ziglar!  (Those numbers must come down one way or another, to keep motivated, right???)

12. Drink your Martian weight in water again so you won't be hungry.

13. Live out your dream and act out parts in movies-- like Forrest Gump.  Run, Forrest, Run!

14.  They say to make sure you are full when you go grocery shopping.  I say, go grocery shopping when you have the stomach flu. 

15.  Get the stomach flu as often as possible.

 With love and sincerity,

Brandi

I'm fat.  Always have been.  Always will be.  At least in my head.
 

It started out as a small obsession with food.  Ok, a LARGE obsession with food.  "What are we going to eat for lunch?  Dinner?  Tomorrow?"  As if the United States has a shortage of food and I'm going to suddenly find myself walking to the middle of a village with a burlap sack, hauling as much white rice as I can carry.  (That would never happen because I can't eat rice, but that's another story.)
 

So, naturally, the food obsession led to fatness.  A great amount of fatness.   For awhile I called it baby fat.  But, you can only get away with that for 15 or 16 years so I had to face the fats facts.  I. Was. Fat.
 

You'd think losing weight would be easy, no?  I mean,simple: don't eat.  Right.  Simple.  That's like saying "don't think of the color blue."  See, you just thought of the color blue.  Didn't you?  Stop lying.  I know you did.
 

I decided to take the hard way -- the path I choose mostly in my life because it brings such utter frustration and contempt for all living, breathing things.  I diet.  But, not just ANY diet.  It's Weight Watchers!  They didn't tell me at the first meeting that I'd be watching my weight . . . GO UP!
 

It's a sad fact.  Diets. Don't. Work. Ever.  I dieted my weigh way to this:
 

They do say the camera adds about 350 lbs.  But, I don't think they meant just holding said camera adds 350 lbs.  But, I could be wrong.  That's what I'm banking on, at least.

I'm a tease.  So you'll have to weight wait until another time to learn more.  That should be enough to whet satiate your appetite.

And that's my story and I'm sticking to it (because I'm too fat to get off the couch!)
 

http://www.abbeybrooke.com